Having a random hookup so left but love u
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
