On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
MIDGETS
????
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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