And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
