There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
