dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
