exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
