I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
