Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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