I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
