there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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