that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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