are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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