the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
