My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
