so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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