I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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