Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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