I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
