I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
