In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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