I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
