if i can run in heels then i can drive
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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