Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
