that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
