I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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