i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
