An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
