I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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