so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
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Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize