You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
