apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
