I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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