There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
