Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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