you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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