Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
