As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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