I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
