Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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