Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
