guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
