When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm really busy with my period
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