No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i think i have two assholes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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