Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
