She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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