Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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