I don't think brook has ever known best
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
