Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize