Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
