I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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