So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
