brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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