God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
