I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
