No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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