i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
