The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
