The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Say something about gay babies.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
