i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
