Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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