I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
