yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
