i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
