Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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