and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
