I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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