I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
